My Dinner With The Q
 
By Johnny D

December 1991: The scene is a New York City restaurant called Pasta & Dreams. NRBQ-Terry, Joey, Al and Tom-are preparing to have dinner prior to heading down to Tramps for a Saturday night show. I've been invited to join them along with NRBQ's original guitarist, Steve Ferguson, who will be sitting in with the band that night.

Terry: I don't know if Donn's gonna make it or not.
 
Tom: How's your sore throat, Al? Say something.
 
Al: (mumbles a comment)
 
Joey: (smiling) Look at that.
 
Tom: (to Al) You're gonna sing tonight
 
Terry: This bread is great.
 
Tom: (imitating Elvis Presley) Hey waiter.
 
Terry: What movie is that line from?
 
Tom: Loving You.
 
Terry: Not King Creole?
 
Tom: NoHe's Deke, right? Deke Rivers.
 
Joey: Where's the menu?
 
Tom: Don't you know what you're getting? Look, I'll tell you(Tom & Joey laugh, because Tom is starting an Abbott & Costello routine)
 
Joey: (picking up the routine) NoI'll order a sandwich. When the waitress asks, say you don't want anything.
 
Tom: Okay, I don't want anything. (more laughter)
 
Terry: (looking at his menu) Pasta & Dreams. I'll have two dreams.
 
Tom: (looking at Al reading his menu) Al is gonna study that menu closely.
 
Terry: I saw that Three Stooges special where they put in the music.
 
Tom: Isn't that weird? Why'd they do that?
 
JD: Is that the one they colorized?
 
Terry: Yeah, it's the one where they say Study this map closely and there's this long silent spot where they show the map.
 
Tom: Yeah, on the original you can hear the film noise.
 
JD: I like that film noise!
 
Terry: Well, now they've got music in it, 'cause they couldn't bear to
 
Tom: They didn't want any of that silence.
 
Terry: It's not horrible music, but it still shouldn't have been there.
 
JD: The color wasn't too bad in the part I saw.
 
Tom: Naw, the color wasn't bad.
 
Terry: Changing the soundtrack, though
 
Tom & Terry: (simultaneously) they went too far.
 
Tom: You're gonna fill up on bread, Joey.
 
Terry: I wanna get some kind of thin spaghetti. (Terry, Joey & Steve get into a discussion about which spaghetti is the thinnest)
 
Joey: (speaking loudly to get the waiter's attention) Boy, are we hungry!
 
Tom: (to Joey) Hey, be the wise guyC'mon, do it! (Joey resists) You talk brave in private.
 
Joey: (banging his hands on the table and imitating a Little Rascals scene) We want the flory dories. We want the (laughter)
 
Tom: Here, I'll get a waiter. (starts drumming on the table with his knife and fork)
 
Terry: Pretty soon I won't be hungry-I ate so much bread.
 
Tom: You filled up on bread.
 
Terry: (pretending to leave) I gotta goWe changed out minds after three loaves of bread.
 
Joey: (looking at menu and pretending to talk to a waiter) What-no grilled cheese? Let's go. (laughter) No peanut butter & jelly?
 
(Our waiter finally arrives and soon everyone is done ordering except for Terry, who is having an involved discussion with the waiter about the menu)
 
Terry: There's no meat at all in that, right? Is there any sauce?
 
Waiter: It's in a broth.
 
Terry: A meatless broth?
 
Waiter: Yes.
 
Terry: (long pause) Actually, I'm kind of in the mood for some sauce.
 
JD: (as discussion continues) Our part of the table didn't have any trouble ordering. That's 'cause we have three Italians.
 
Joey: (finally intervening for Terry, who is still talking about his order with the waiter) He wants angel hair pasta with tomato sauce, is what he wants.
 
Waiter: If that's what he wants, that's what I'll get him. Is that what he wants?
 
Joey: I think so.
 
Terry: (after another long pause) I'm thinking about changing my order. (everyone groans)
 
Tom: Oh, man!
 
Waiter: (walking away from the table calmly while pointing at Terry) Counsel this man. I'll be back.
 
Tom: Counsel this man. (laughs)
 
JD: (laughing) Good line.
 
Al: What did he say? Cancel this man?
 
Tom: Counsel this man. (more laughter as the line sinks in and everyone starts repeating it)
 
(Joey & Terry continue discussing the menu. After a few minutes, our waiter returns for Terry's order)
 
Joey: What he's changing his order to is the pasta primavera.
 
Steve: The same thing I have. There's no meat in that, right?
 
Waiter: (writing down the order) No, primavera.
 
Steve: (after waiter leaves) What did he say?
 
JD: Primavera. No meat.
 
Steve: He said No primavera.
 
JD: He meant No-comma-primavera.
 
Al: Hey Johnny D, did Eddie Gorodetsky tell you how you know a drummer is on his way out of a band?
 
JD: No.
 
Al: Hey, I got a song. (JD, Tom and Joey laugh)
 
Terry: I haven't seen the Donn yet. (Donn has a reputation for taking a long time to order and for changing his order)
 
Al: Donn's gonna come back in the next life as a waiter. (laughter) I hate having to start the second set at one o'clock.
 
Joey: (teasing with a straight face) Oh, tonight we start later.
 
Al: It's a stool for me tonight.
 
Tom: No
 
Tom & Joey: (simultaneously) not the stool!
 
Joey: (explaining to Steve) He thinks he can get away with sitting on a stool when he's tired.
 
JD: Are you watching anything good on TV, Joey?
 
Joey: I can't think of any current programs.
 
JD: How about on your VCR?
 
Joey: We watched a couple of Love Connections.
 
JD: What do you like about them?
 
Joey: I like when they have a good date. I like people having a good time.
 
JD: How about you Terry.
 
Terry: I just bought 76 episodes of Highway Patrol.
 
JD: What do you like so much about it? Is it Broderick Crawford?
 
Terry: Yeah, it's Brod. I like the safety tips, too.
 
JD: You like it better than Dragnet?
 
Terry: Oh yeah. Dragnet is good, but they make every citizen seem like they're insane-except for a few innocent victims. (laughs)
 
(After a few more minutes, our food arrives. Since we're running late, everyone concentrates mainly on eating. Towards the end of the meal, Terry and Steve remember a story about playing together in Louisville.)
 
Terry: I was in Steve's band, the Merseybeats USA, in Louisville and we were playing some sock hop or something, and the building we were in must have been having two functions at once, 'cause there were a bunch of adults in one half and then there was the teen scene. We must have been on our break, 'cause I was outside and this bunch of men were inside the building giving me a hard time and making fun of my hair. I made some kind of gesture to them and they ran outside and started slapping me around. I guess I thought I was safe 'cause I was outside and they were inside. (laughter) Steve's girlfriend saw what was happening and she ran inside and got Steve, and he came running out(laughs)
 
Steve: She came in all upset and she said, They've got Terry outside! so I ran out the door and when I got there I didn't see anyone hit Terry, but I could tell they were bullying him. (pauses) I always say there were six or seven guys, but maybe over the years I've exaggerated. (laughter)
 
There were probably about four or five guys. I remember I had a pack of cigarettes and I threw them down on the ground and I said something like
 
Terry: He said, Nobody messes with my organ player! (laughter)
 
Steve: And then one of the guys tried to shove me. I guess this survival instinct came over me, 'cause I hauled off and popped the guy. I didn't even hit him hard, but he started falling over chairs and stuff like he was a stunt man in a John Wayne movie. (laughter) The next thing you know, guys started coming out to break things up and see what was happening and we had to go back into the hall. We heard they had the guy laying on the bar with an icepack on his jaw, and they had to call the cops to escort us out. (much laughter as we all get up to leave)
 
Terry: Yeah, they actually put up a barricade, and the police stood between us and the other people while we were loading out. Man, it was turbulent!